If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
