I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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