i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
