i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
