were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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