dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
