I wish i was in the wii world.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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