he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
