Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Let's get the cat blown out
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
