that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
