you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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