she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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