all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
