This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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