I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
