She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
