I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just had sex bonerless
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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