nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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