still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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