so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
