I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
