$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wish my penis had a tongue
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
