I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
