weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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