Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i came on her dog
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
