does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
