Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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