The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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