I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You are a genius and a whore.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
