Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
