The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
