Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
