There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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