There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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