yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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