It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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