why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
