Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
