this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
how drunk are you?
Several
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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