wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
