I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
