can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
operation harelip BJ is a go
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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