Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
