I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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