Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
