Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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