Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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