that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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