The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
