I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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