he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
