I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
