Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
