He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
